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Jan 27, 2023

Best Ever Comedy Quiz




Here is a 'Best Ever Comedy Quiz' to get your group laughing. It comes in four parts - Comedians, Comedy Duos, TV Sitcoms & Movies.


Clues are provided to help members identify the person, people, programmes or films from the photographs and comedy clips are linked below to enliven the group. Also interspersed are some themed songs for singalongs.


I hope you have fun with this one. If you click on the first photo a slide show will open, or you could take screenshots and print the grouped photos off for the tables.


Some feedback would be great x




Discussion


Ask members what makes them laugh?

Have they a favourite comedian or TV sitcom?

Has anyone got a good joke to tell? (see below)

What, other than comedy, makes people happy?

Who is their favourite person?

What is their favourite pastime?




Idioms


Complete these well known phrases together ...


- Smile from ear to EAR


- Grin like a Cheshire CAT


- Crack a SMILE


- Put a smile on someone's FACE


- Grin and BEAR IT


- Smile and the world smiles with you; cry and you cry ALONE


- Cheer UP


- Good for a LAUGH


- Her face lit UP


- Laugh your head OFF


- The cat who got the CREAM


- Have the last LAUGH


- Smile, it might never HAPPEN


- Smile, you're on candid CAMERA


- Turn that frown UPSIDE DOWN


- It only hurts when I LAUGH


- Laughter is the best MEDICINE


- Say CHEESE



What do these acronyms stand for ...


LOL - Laugh Out Loud (There is a story that David Cameron used LOL in a text to a friend who had just lost a relative, thinking it stood for 'Lots Of Love'. Oops!)


ROLF - Rolling On The Floor Laughing





Round 1. Name The Comedian


Clues:


“Ooh, you are awful, but I like you!”

"All done in the best possible taste!"

'Comic Relief' founder

'The Big Yin'

Norman Pitkin

"Just like that!"

"Is it on t'trolley?"

Tickling stick

"May your God go with you."

'The Office'

'Mr Bean'

'8 Out Of 10 Cats'

"Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it."

"Hello Possums."

'Knowing Me, Knowing You'

'The Royale Family'




Singalong ...



You could hear the hoof beats pound As they raced across the ground And the clatter of the wheels As they spun round and round And he galloped into Market Street His badge upon his chest His name was Ernie And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west


Now Ernie loved a widow A lady known as Sue She lived all alone in Linley Lane At number twenty two They said she was too good for him She was haughty, proud and chic But Ernie got his cocoa there Three times every week They called him Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west


She said she'd like to bathe in milk He said alright sweetheart And when he finished work one night He loaded up the cart He said you wanted pasturised 'Cause pasturised is best She says Ernie I'll be happy If it comes up to me chest And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west


Now Ernie had a rival An evil looking man Called Two Ton Ted from Teddington And he drove the bakers van He tempted her with his treacle tarts And his tasty wholemeal bread And when she saw the size Of his hot meat pies It very near turned her head She nearly swooned at his macaroon And he said now if you treat me right You'll have hot rolls evry morning And crumpets every night He knew once she'd sampled his layer cake He'd have his wicked way And all Ernie had to offer Was a pint of milk a day Poor Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west


One lunchtime Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four And as he leaped down from of his van Hot blood through his veins did course And he went across to Ernie's cart And he didnarf kick his horse Who's name was Trigger (Trigger) And he pulled the fastest milkcart in the west


Now Ernie rushed out into the street His goldtop in his hand He said if you want to marry susie You'll fight for her like a man Oh why don't we play cards for her He sneeringly replied And just to make it interesting We'll have a shilling on the side

Now Ernie dragged him from his van And beneath the blazing sun They stood there face to face And Ted went for his bun But Ernie was to quick Things didn't go the way ted planned And a strawberry flavoured youghurt Sent it spinning from his hand

Now Sue she ran between them And tried to keep them apart And Ernie pushed her aside And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart And he looked up in pained surprise As the concrete hardened crust Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye And Ernie bit the dust Poor Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west


Ernie was only fifty-two, he didn't want to die Now he's gone to make deliveries In that milkround in the sky Where the customers are angels And ferocious dogs are banned And a milkmans life is full of fun In that fairy dairy land But a woman's needs are many fold And Sue she married Ted But strange things happened on their wedding night As they lay in their bed Was that the trees a rustling Or the hinges of the gate Or Ernies ghostly goldtop a rattling in their crate They won't forget Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west







Round 2. Name The Comedy Duo


Clues:


'Road To Singapore'

"That's another fine mess you've gotten me into!"

"I'm playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order."

"And it's good night from him."

'Not The 9 O'clock News'

'The Comic Strip Presents'

'Little Britain'

Bud & Lou

Syd & Eddie

"To me, to you."

'Cambridge Footlights'

"Rock on Tommy!"

'The Young Ones'

'Shooting Stars'

"The Management."

"Fandabidosi!"




Singalong ...



Bring me sunshine In your smile Bring me laughter All the while In this world where we live There should be more happiness So much joy you can give To each brand new bright tomorrow


Make me happy Through the years Never bring me Any tears Let your arms be as warm As the sun from up above Bring me fun Bring me sunshine Bring me Love


Bring me sunshine In your smile Bring me laughter All the while In this world where we live There should be more happiness So much joy you can give To each brand new bright tomorrow


Make me happy Through the years Never bring me Any tears Let your arms be as warm As the sun from up above Bring me fun Bring me sunshine Bring me Love, sweet love Bring me fun Bring me sunshine Bring me Love Hey!





Round 3. Name The TV Sitcom


Clues:


"The Bucket residence, the lady of the house speaking!"

“But at seven o'clock tonight my pussy's expecting to see a friendly face.”

"Hello Campers!"

'The Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies'

"I am from Barcelona."

Turnip

"Thank You For Being A Friend."

"I don't believe it!"

"Rodney, you plonker!"

"... Flock Together."

Norman Stanley Fletcher

"No. No. No. No. Yes."

"They don't like it up 'em."

"Oo Betty!"

"Sweety darling."

'Central Perk'




Singalong ...



You promised me, green grass, not to tell what you heard.

Whispering Grass, say! you can't keep your word, keep your word.


Why do you whisper, green grass?

Why tell the trees what ain't so ?

Whispering Grass, the trees don't have to know.

No, No, Why tell them all your secrets?

Who kissed there long ago?

Whispering grass, the trees don't need to know.


Don't you tell it to the breeze 'cause she will tell the birds and bees

And ev'ryone will know because you told the blabbering trees

Yes, you told them once before;

It's no secret any more.


Why tell them all the old things?

They're buried under the snow.

Whispering Grass, don't tell the trees

'Cause the trees don't need to know.

Why do you whisper, green grass?

Why tell the trees what ain't so ?

Whispering Grass, the trees don't have to know.

No, No, Why tell them all your secrets?

Who kissed there long ago?


Whispering grass, the trees don't need to know.

Don't you tell it to the breeze 'cause she will tell the birds and bees

And ev'ryone will know because you told the blabbering trees

Yes, you told them once before;

It's no secret any more.

Why tell them all the old things?

They're buried under the snow.

Whispering Grass, don't tell the trees





Round 4. Name The Comedy Movie


Clues:


Dorothy Michaels, Hospital Administrator

"I'll have what she's having!"

Cameron Diaz & Ben Stiller

"Oh, Matron!"

"Don't call me Shirley!"

Billy Wilder

Inspector Clouseau

Groucho, Chico & Harpo

"He's been a very naughty boy."

Jamie Curtis

Euphegenia

Thanksgiving

Kevin McAllister

Maid Of Honour

"Nothing to see here!"

"Life is like a box of chocolates."






Some things in life are bad They can really make you mad Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best

Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the light side of life

If life seems jolly rotten There's something you've forgotten And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing When you're feeling in the dumps Don't be silly chumps Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the right side of life

For life is quite absurd And death's the final word You must always face the curtain with a bow Forget about your sin Give the audience a grin Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow

So always look on the bright side of death A just before you draw your terminal breath Life's a piece of shit When you look at it Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true You'll see it's all a show Keep 'em laughin' as you go Just remember that the last laugh is on you Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the right side of life I mean, what have you got to lose? You know, you come from nothing You're going back to nothing What have you lost? Nothing Always look on the right side of life





Best Comedy Sketches


Take your pick ...



“And Fling!” sketch - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdtb2KONpUQ (With a Vic & Bob 'Shooting Stars' parody at the end.

“What have the Romans ever done for us?” sketch - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvPbj9NX0zc

'Where's the salad' sketch - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLU4O5YqpQc

'Who does one think one is?' sketch - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cQhdu6pQXs

'Agnes & Grace' sketch - https://fb.watch/fTQtWqPuwD/

'I'm A Lumberjack', Michael Palin - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FshU58nI0Ts

'Going for an English' sketch - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-uEx_hEXAM




BEST 50 JOKES EVER (ALLEGEDLY!)


(According to the 'Daily Record'_


Finish by reading out a few of these jokes.


1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''


2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''


3. ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra.''


4. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''


5. A classic Tommy Cooper gag - ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays''.


6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.


7. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.


8. Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.


9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.


10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''


11. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.


12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed, I never knew they worked.


13. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.


14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him 'Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''


15. There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''


16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.


17. When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.


18. ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''


19. I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''.


20. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.


21. A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything'.'


22. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.


23. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''


24. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''


25. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.


26. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.


27. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.


28. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''


29. I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, ''Are you two an item?''


30. I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.


31. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.


32. Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here.''


33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.


34. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


35. I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''.


36. I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.


37. I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''May contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''


38. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins. What a turtle disaster.


39. My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, ''Who's that calling at this time?" ''I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!''


40. I said to this train driver ''I want to go to Paris". He said ''Eurostar?'' I said, ''I've been on telly, but I'm no Dean Martin''.


41. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.


42. I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.


43. You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.


44. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''


45. I tried water polo, but my horse drowned.


46. I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.


47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.


48. Went to the corner shop - bought four corners.


49. A seal walks into a club...


50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.



And my all-time favourite ...


An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scotsman, are talking about where they got their names.

"My name is George, because I was born on St. George's Day" says the Englishman.

"My name is Andrew, because I was born on St. Andrew's Day", says the Scotsman.

"My name is David, because I was born on St. David's Day", says the Welshman.

They both turn to the Irishman, and say, "What day were you born on, Pancake?"




Extra Songs



'Trail Of The Lonesome Pine', Laurel & Hardy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qApsAPnoH7c


On a mountain in Virginia Stands a lonesome pine Just below is the cabin home of a little girl of mine Her name is June and very very soon She'll belong to me For I know she's waiting there for me 'neath that lone pine tree


In the Blue Ridge mountains of Virginia On the trail of the lonesome pine In the pale moonshine our hearts entwine Where she carves her name and I carved mine Oh June like the mountains I am blue Like the pines, I'm lonesome for you


In the Blue Ridge mountains of Virginia On the trail of the lonesome pine In the pale moonshine our hearts entwine Where she carves her name and I carved mine Oh June like the mountains I am blue





Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I posses I thank the Lord that I've been blessed With more than my share of happiness


To me this old world is a wonderful place I'm just about the luckiest human in the whole human race I've got no silver and I've got no gold But I've got happiness in my soul

Happiness to me is an ocean tide A sunset fading on a mountain side A big old heaven full of stars above When I'm in the arms of the one I love


Oh, happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I posses I thank the Lord that I've been blessed With more than my share of happiness


Happiness is a field of grain Turning its face to the falling rain I see it in the sunshine, breathe it in the rain Happiness, happiness everywhere

A wise old man told me one time Happiness is a frame of mind When you go to measuring my success Don't count my money count my happiness


Oh, happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I posses I thank the Lord I've been blessed With more than my share of happiness

Oh, happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I posses I thank the Lord I've been blessed With more than my share of happiness I got more than my share of happiness







Dick Emery

Kenny Everett

Lenny Henry

Billy Connolly

Norman Wisdom

Tommy Cooper

Victoria Wood

Ken Dodd

Dave Allen

Ricky Gervais

Rowan Atkinson (Mr Bean)

Jimmy Carr

Dame Edna Everage (Barry Humphries)

Steve Coogan (Alan Partridge)

Caroline Aherne (Mrs Merton)



Bing Crosby & Bob Hope

Stan Laurel & Oliver Hardy

Eric Morecambe & Ernie Wise

Ronnie Corbett & Ronnie Barker

Mel Smith & Griff Rhys-Jones

Dawn French & Jennifer Saunders

David Walliams & Matt Lucas

Bud Abbott & Lou Costello

Sid Little & Eddie Large

Barry Elliott & Paul Elliott ('Chuckle Brothers')

Stephen Fry & Hugh Laurie

Tommy Cannon & Bobby Ball

Ade Edmondson & Rick Mayall

Vic Reeves & Bob Mortimer

Gareth Hale & Norman Pace

Janette & Ian Tough '(The Krankies')



'Keeping Up Appearances' - TV theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kdg6aVAeXm0

'Are You Being Served' - TV theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz6wvKUsP6M

'One Foot In The Grave' - TV theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_vgOj8SQnc

'Only Fools And Horses' - TV theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDea_Yu0NxM

'Birds Of A Feather' - TV theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmgqAfWUX10

'Vicar Of Dibley' - TV theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8uOV1K4Xsk

'Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em' - TV theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tduNoff-GHE

'Absolutely Fabulous' - TV theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqsTz6rcAPk



'Tootsie' (Dustin Hoffman)

'When Harry Met Sally' (Meg Ryan & Billy Crystal)

'Something About Mary' (Cameron Diaz)

'Carry On Camping' (Hattie Jacques & Kenneth Williams)

'Airplane' (Leslie Nielsen)

'Some Like It Hot' (Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis & Marilyn Monroe)

'Pink Panther' (Peter Sellers)

'Duck Soup'

'Life Of Brian' (Graham Chapman)

'A Fish Called Wanda' (Michael Palin & Kevin Kline)

'Mrs Doubtfire' (Robin Williams)

'Planes, Trains And Automobiles' (Steve Martin & John Candy)

'Home Alone' (Macaulay Culkin)

'Bridesmaids' (Kristen Wiig)

'Naked Gun' (Leslie Nielsen)

'Forrest Gump' (Tom Hanks)








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